Happy hosting

I’m completely and utterly obsessed with all things Christmas… the cheesy overplayed music, the sparkling decorations, mulled wine, the nostalgia of watching the Christmas lights being switched on back ‘home’ where I grew up, being able to use ‘why not, it’s Christmas’ to legitimately justify pretty much anything throughout December, but most of all the family time and the pure magic Mils has brought to the festivities for the past four years. Christmas 2018 has to be one of my favourites yet, not least because we successfully hosted our ever-expanding family in our humble little home.

We have previously always enjoyed hosting, even on days when there was no real reason for a party other than to experience the happiness of seeing our house full of friends enjoying themselves. I lost so much of that when I was in the fog of depression, and the thought of even one person popping over often brought paralysing and inexplicable levels of anxiety, so I regularly opted during that time to shy away from social events, let alone opening up our home to host them.

By April 2018, I had fully weaned off my SSRI meds and, as frustrating as I found it, I took that process every bit as slowly as the doctor had recommended. As much as I felt ready to go it alone without them, I knew there was a very real chance I would find I needed them more than I realised, so I had to be committed to reducing the dosage sensibly. I felt physically dreadful for a couple of weeks afterwards, but once that has subsided, I found myself feeling a little more energised and ever more determined to make time to take better care of my mental health.

I dedicated a lot of time during 2018 to make sure I was doing more of the things that felt good, prioritising family time and adventures with the bug, working hard but also making moments in time for yoga, exercise, fresh air, good food and even better wine; the focus of the year was about letting in the good and feeling ok about letting go of the bad. I’m not sure it’s possible to ever find that all allusive ‘balance’, but I’d say I’ve made pretty good strides to get there. The better I felt, the more open I’ve been to becoming more sociable again. Of course, there have still been those days (and weeks) that I’m sure most people experience at some point, those overwhelming times when everything seems to fall off kilter, and self-doubt tries tirelessly to claw its way back in. Some of those days led me to cancel a good few weekends worth of plans in the summer, purely to allow myself time to regroup and spend time with less background noise…. and nothing confirms who your people are like the embrace of those who fully support your need to just be on your own for a little while!

Despite taking that much needed time out, overall 2018 brought an increasing sense that I was feeling much more like ‘me’ again. So much so, that when Dan and I first even discussed the possibility of hosting Christmas, all I felt was an overwhelming sense of child-like excitement, and we knew it could be the loveliest most fitting end to our year.

Whenever we told people we were planning to host on Christmas Day, it was generally met with ‘you must be mad’ type comments, usually followed by confused expressions as they asked ‘where’s everyone going to sit?!’. Dan and I didn’t actually feel stressed about the prospect of hosting; we made a plan early on, and knew it could work… the stress came later after fending off the above questions for the 5,000th time in the build up to the big day… but ultimately, this was most definitely an occasion when size didn’t matter! If you can get all of your closest family into one place for a wonderfully chaotic festive get together, does it ever really matter if you’ve had to pull out the ‘emergency chairs’ and it might be a little squashed around the dinner table? To me, that was all part of the fun!

We genuinely had the best day, and I think (and hope!) all the family did too. We massively cheated by having Dan’s parents cook the humongous turkey they ordered at their house beforehand… but at the end of the day everyone was well fed, there was constant laughter, and copious amounts of wine flowing, so I feel like we can take that as success!

S x

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There was a fair amount of planning and prep involved to cram 17 of us into our living space, so I thought I’d share a few things we did to make hosting in a relatively small home much easier, more enjoyable, and a whole lot more comfortable:

1. Keep the kids happy

I’ve put this first because it’s well known that the little rascals can be absolute day makers, or day breakers! As it was Christmas, we had easy entertainment in the form of presents so there were toys and games a plenty. Throw in a room full of relatives and a constant supply of snacks, and the kids were content being well fed and showered with

attention all day. I set up a separate kids table for dinner to save space, but also because it was a weird time for them to eat after grazing all afternoon, and Mils was excited to have their own table where they could happily make a mess and speak to each other in code. After we’d eaten, there was even a visit from the big man in red himself thanks to the grandparents, which admittedly wasn’t a total hit with all of the cousins, but still made for an exciting surprise! Whatever form entertaining the small humans takes for you, I think it’s usually a given that happy kids = happy parents (and vice versa).

2. Comfort is key

Whenever we have guests over, I like to see them looking comfy, cosy and settled...I’m going for Hygge here people! We shuffled our furniture around before Christmas and hid endless clutter upstairs to make a little to make more space in the living room for soft seats and cushions, especially as we knew seating would be a bit tight for everyone when sitting at the dinner table. Both our brothers-in-law make a point of picking the smallest and most uncomfortable looking chairs whenever they come over… people have previously been quick to point out that they might just be being polite and saving the comfy chairs for others, but I’m sure it’s actually become a running joke to see how quickly those darling big brothers can get a reaction from me (it’s never long, they’re very skilled at it!).

3. Separate your food and drinks areas

We wanted to keep as many people out of the kitchen as we could while we were preparing dinner… too many cooks and all that jazz! We set up a drinks area in the back garden and told everyone to help themselves, which worked a treat (just don’t forget to put a bottle opener and corkscrew out!), and my sister was always on hand in full teacher mode to escort people away from the kitchen if they were ever tempted to sneak in!

4. Beg, borrow and steal

As much as we could, we borrowed bits and pieces from the family, from extra plates and cutlery, to Dan’s Nan's heated hostess trolley, which probably shouldn’t be working at this time in its life, but in fact worked like a dream and kept everything hot until we were ready to serve. One of the other big wins in terms of borrowed goods were benches from both of our sisters which allowed us to seat 14 adults around the table, without too many emergency chairs needed, and saved us masses of space.

5. Be flexible

Giving a 'come around any time from…’ invite tends to stagger guest arrivals, avoids an overcrowded feeling while people are settling in, and means people don’t have to stress if they’re running late. I also find it refreshes everyone’s energy levels when new people arrive, particularly the kids who always fully embrace the arrival of someone new to play with!

6. Spend within your means

Hosting for 17 required lots of food, and (for our family) even more booze…. luckily for the last few years we’ve started to split the cost of the essential Christmas Day food shop between all of us to ensure the hosts don’t end up out of pocket. On top of that, this year everyone was keen to bring their own contributions, and we kept drinks simple by introducing a BYOB policy. All that was left then was for Dan and I to ensure we were well stocked with soft drinks and nibbles, and Christmas on a budget was a go! I realise that approach isn’t for everyone, and if you can afford (and want) to do the whole thing yourselves then that’s great, but for us it would’ve just been too much. Plus, everyone mucking in to help out and bringing their own culinary creations to the table just added to the cosy festive family vibe!

7. Keep it simple

Nibbles on arrival, canapes for starters, and buffet style for the main meal… we had more time to relax / for the men to sneak off to the pub, and keeping the food simple meant we didn’t feel tied to the kitchen all day.

8. Don’t sweat the small stuff

If you’re hosting a party, generally things will get spilled, and glasses might get broken. I actually think I was the only one responsible for either of those things at Christmas, besides one red wine episode. Thankfully as clumsiness is an inherent trait on my side of the family, I’m already fairly relaxed about that kind of thing. Ultimately, no one wants to be the host that makes people feel as though they’re treading on egg shells, so relax, pour yourself some bubbles, and remember life really is too short!