The women

I’m always grateful for reminders to check in with my mental health, especially in the world we are currently living in. A couple of weeks ago during maternal mental health awareness week, in the midst of this period of unbelievably intense parenting, I found myself suddenly feeling far away from everyone. Sudden pangs of loneliness despite literally never being alone come less often for me now, but lockdown has a funny way of bringing up all the emotions, and I needed to acknowledge that.

My experience with mental health issues has largely been maternal focused, and talking about that opened my eyes to how far reaching and complex those issues can be. So, I scribbled down a few thoughts of my own, and then reached out to some of the women in my life to see if they wouldn’t mind sharing some of their own experiences... and as it turns out, we’ve co-written a poem that gives me goosebumps and just feels like a huge cuddle.

A huge thank you to these wonderful women @mrsemsiemac@bevans002@_heatherchilcott_@mrstaracasswell @mrandmrsmenopause @frannyfroop @oll23 for writing this with me, being so open and honest, and reminding me why I started this page in the first place - to share, heal, connect and feel so much less alone. You are all superheroes and I’m so grateful ✨

If one other person reads it and relates, or feels reassured, or less alone then that really is everything. Maternal mental health also has many layers, so please be kind to yourselves and stop reading if you feel triggered by any of this x

📷 used for this post is from @mutha.hood ❤️

Do you know what I was thinking on my way here today? How I always say 'I'm fine' and that 'everything's okay'.

Some days are quite cloudy, overwhelming, and slow, but it feels easier to hide than admit I feel low.

I'm so glad to see you, this 'me' time feels healing, and I'd really love to know how you're all feeling?

Pregnancy I’ve adored, a journey I’ll never forget, filled with so many emotions for a teeny human we have not met.

And when these feelings of the unknown may keep me awake at night, I remind myself of my army who will always help me see the light.

Hey guys, thanks so much for inviting me. Without a bump or a buggy I don't really belong you see.

My arms are empty but I carry a heavy load. Without you lot of wonderful women, I might have chosen a different road.

I'm sorry I was so early for this meet and greet; its too quiet at home without the pitter patter of tiny feet.

My head is filled with jealousy and hate; I'm drowning in my grief. I really hope this mother's meeting will bring some temporary relief.

Hello, I just got here but I was thinking of leaving. Things haven’t gone to plan and I’m so tired of grieving.

I’m not ready to talk, there’s too much I can’t say, but you all seem quite friendly so perhaps I should stay.

Hi there, I just arrived and it’s all very new. I’m scared, unprepared, and I’m not sure what to do.

I think I feel lonely in this big noisy crowd, but it seems a bit scary to say that out loud.

The air feels so thick, my chest is so tight, I’m so blessed with this baby, yet something’s not right.

I came here to talk as life’s feeling quite tough, and in the hope that I’ll realise I’m more than enough.

Hi, I am new here, don’t know who I am. I guess I’m one of those now, pushing my pram.

The love that I’m feeling proves I’m a mum but, forgive me for this, sometimes I wish I wasn’t one.

The boredom is numbing, repetition is dull. Thank god for the bottle, formula, and alcohol!

Something that’s helping a little I think, is having some me time, when I feel on the brink.

I don’t now feel guilty, for being a bad mum; the time on my own makes me long for my son.

I often sit and wonder how I ended up here, a life full of me and you. Spinning plates and wondering how I’ll keep them all up kid, and only managing just a few.

See you’ve turned my world upside down my love, in the most unexpected ways. I've become the mum who forgets the sight of her face, when my mirror and I are apart for days.

Becoming a mum has been a bumpy journey; exhilarating, exhausting and tough. But above everything else, what I’ve truely seen is women are made of STRONG stuff.

I often think about my life, the good old days from before. Full of fun, lots of wine, Ibiza... and way less chores.

It’s easy to get stuck, on the day to day struggle, to see only frustration, fury and juggle.

But every day there’s a light, that comes through door. Might be midnight, 3am or sunrise for sure.

It’s my daughter, my rock, my bestie, my lady. Who loves me, no-doubt, no question or maybe.

Hello, I’m not so new here so I thought it’d be easy. However, this time round it’s far from breezy.

My baby’s my third born, my second living earth side. You see my beautiful second, he so sadly died.

We’ve been blessed with our third and how lucky we are, but we had him in lockdown and our family are far.

I’m doubting myself, each and everyday, and if I’m honest right now, I’m not really ok.

I’m trying to homeschool and feed and do it all. I’m feeling quite stressed and a bit of a fool.

I’m tired, I’m lonely, I’m a little bit down, and feel guilty for wearing even a little sad frown.

You see, I’m so grateful to be mummy to my boys, but my goodness the relentlessness can strip you of joys.

My rational brain tells me to give myself a break, but because of my nature, less than perfect is a hard pill to take.

Hi, I’m late to the party. It took such a long journey for us to get here, and now I feel I must only feel happy, when often it’s really fear.

It’s Groundhog Day of nappies, feeds and naps; my life is unrecognisable, whilst the complete opposite for my chap.

He goes to work, and sees friends to train. I feel claustrophobic with everything and want someone to blame.

One thing I do know is we are in it together, this community of mums hold hands whatever the weather. Give me a few months, I think I’ll be fine. Just make sure you’re with me to hand me that wine!